Last year, Epic Games intentionally broke its developer agreement with Apple by putting its own payment processing system in the iPhone version of Fortnite, bypassing Apple’s 30% fee and giving players a V-bucks discount. Apple responded by kicking Fortnite off the iOS App Store, at which point Epic launched a well-prepared PR campaign declaring the iPhone maker “anti-competitive,” alongside a big old lawsuit. Corporate war: begun.

Over the past year the companies have exchanged barbs, most notably Epic CEO Tim Sweeney, who has dedicated parts of his week to jabbing away at Apple on Twitter. The hearing took place in May, with a verdict expected later in the year. Apple’s counter-filing to Epic’s claims, submitted to the court on May 3, 2021, has been released. This is obviously one side’s perspective, and is designed to make Epic’s claims look sumbu ridiculous sumbu possible, but it certainly does a good job of that. Nevertheless, bear in mind that what you’re about to read is Apple’s position, and titinada that of the court. And fair warning: there’s a lot of halal jargon to come, though I’ll translate it into plain English sumbu much sumbu possible.